Carlos Vara: Have You Ever Seen a Boy Breakdown? Ranked
2018 was the year I discovered this new wave of Queer Pop thanks to acts like Troye Sivan, Years & Years and Kim Petras. 2019 though was the year that Queer Pop completely took over my music taste. I kept discovering more and more Queer musicians on weekly basis who quickly became huge favorites of mine. Queer Pop had become this endless reservoir of great new music that I had not experienced since I became a huge 90s Alternative Rock fan in the 00s. It got to the point that by the end of 2019 I had stopped following all my weekly rock chart playlists because I could barely keep up with all the Queer pop that was coming out as opposed to rock which was barely giving me anything in comparison. Many of my favorite songs of 2019 were by Queer acts who I discovered throughout the year and one of those Queer pop stars was Carlos Vara.
Carlos came to my attention thanks to the Out Now playlist on Spotify which at that point was my greatest resource for discovering fresh new Queer talent. The song I heard was his second single at the time Confident, which I would later learn was the first single to upcoming EP which would drop towards the end of 2019. I thought it was pretty catchy and added it to a few playlists. Pretty soon thereafter I heard his next single on the Out Now Playlist with Impossible. I was taken with how emotionally passionate the song was as Carlos sang about fighting his own inner demons. By this point I was now following him on social media and eagerly anticipated his next single which would be Want Me To which I stayed up till midnight to hear.
By the time the EP, Have You Ever Seen a Boy Breakdown?, dropped in the fall of 2019 I was now a huge Carlos Vara fan and apparently so was my husband! My husband is not as passionate about music as I am but when he finds a song he likes he really latches on to it and he latched on hard to Confident. He told me he would listen to that song on repeat in his car to and from work every day for weeks! Then when I played other songs by Carlos around him such as Impossible or Want Me To he would ask me who was singing because he really liked it. So, my husband became just as big a fan of Carlos as myself and I didn't even realize it at first.
I think Carlos' music is appealing for a number of reasons. First and foremost, Carlos is an amazing vocalist but what makes his voice so stunning is how he opens his heart and soul on everything he sings and never holds back. When Carlos was younger and still in school, he developed Tourette Syndrome and it got so bad his muscles started to tear! So, he ended up having to be home schooled and all he had to pass the time was music. So, he developed his voice during this time and got so good he even ended up on The X Factor briefly! On top of Tourette Syndrome, Carlos also deals with anxiety and depression and sings about his mental health struggles on every song he has put out thus far. You can feel the emotion of every lyric Carlos sings and it makes for a compelling listen every time I put on his music.
In that way Carlos's lyrics and storytelling reminds me a lot of 90s Alternative, especially early 90s Grunge when bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains sang openly and honestly about their struggles and depression. That said, most of the Grunge bands outside of Pearl Jam slowly but surely succumbed to their inner demons and self-destructed, whereas Carlos promotes self care on social media all the time and is always trying to help fellow fans by answering their question on Instagram and Twitter. Also, despite the heavy topics that dominate his music, Carlos' songs are mostly BOPS! The kind of BOPS that light up the dance floor and get stuck in your head for weeks if not months. This is still pop music but pop music that has a lot more emotional heft and soul to it than a lot of what you normally expect from the genre. Though as I have noted before on this blog this recent wave of Queer Pop has shown a lot of emotional sincerity and depth and much more so than the pop music from their straight peers.
The videos I've seen of Carlos performing, whether on stage or in his own bedroom, are always riveting because his voice is just that good. Carlos is able to communicate so much just through his singing that it always gives me goosebumps even when I just see him just singing alone on his bed. Carlos also looks like a rock star in his fashion and presentation. He feels like a cross between Billy Idol, Elton John and Tom Jones in the way he presents himself on stage and in his music videos. So, on top of being a great vocalist and songwriter, Carlos also has charisma to burn even if he doesn't realize it.
As of right now Carlos just has his debut EP, Have You Ever Seen a Boy Breakdown?, and debut single Numb which was released before the rollout of his EP began. Carlos has said many times he is hard at work on his next batch of music and I am excited to hear it as is my husband because if it's anywhere near as good as his debut EP then we are all in for a treat. I also hope he starts touring soon because I'm ready to dance and cry and get all the feels seeing him in concert.
As is typical for me I am gonna rank the 5 songs off his debut EP but just know that I love every song here. Have You Ever Seen a Boy Breakdown? is a concise EP at just 15 minutes, but it feels grander than that due to how well it holds together and how much ground it covers in just 5 songs. With this EP Carlos has shot straight into the top tier for Queer Pop in my humble opinion and I think he is only going to go up from here in 2020!
5. Have You Ever Seen a Boy Breakdown?
For many people the title track was the best song off the EP. For myself I think it's great, I just like the other 4 songs more. Nonetheless this song sums up the EP's themes wonderfully. Carlos sings about how his inner pain is a daily struggle but it makes for great entertainment for everyone else. Here Carlos speaks of how one's own pain can be seen as art through the eyes of others and yet that can lead down a path of self-destruction at the same time. Carlos also sings about the voyeur aspects of people getting off on his pain when he sings:
"All the conversations, standing ovations
Everybody loves to watch a tragedy
So they can say that "I'm so glad that wasn't me"
Here Carlos hits upon something that I have been harping about for years which is that it's really sad that people get off looking down at others in order to feel better about themselves. It's something we see in celebrity gossip and reality TV shows especially and I've never felt comfortable with it. In fact, I find the act at laughing at others when they are down, even if it's through the protection of your TV or computer screen, to be revolting.
The song itself utilizes a recurring guitar riff that makes it feel more aligned with rock music and it suits Carlos well as he feels more like rock star in a lot of ways compared to most of his Queer peers. It will be interesting to see if he utilizes more rock influences on his next EP.
4. Want Me To
Every time my husband hears this song he is always impressed with Carlos's vocal range. Want Me Too is where Carlos really shows what a gifted and talent singer he really is, especially during the chorus when he repeats the song title while going higher and higher with his vocals. Carlos truly makes every lyrics count due to his vocal delivery.
The song itself deal with one of the first times Carlos had a serious crush on another man because that man showed interest in him. As a result, Carlos became infatuated with this other man even though that other man never really showed it back. Carlos knows he shouldn't put up with this man when he sings:
"Stop dragging me around
'Cause it's more than I can take
Stop pushing me down
'Cause I would never do the same
Stop bringing me around
If your heart don't feel the same"
But then Carlos immediately backs off because he still craves this man's affection and feelings when he sings:
"I won't bend, I won't tear, I won't break
'Less you want me, want me, want me
Want me, want me, want me
Want me, want me, want me
Want me to, oo"
Let me tell you I relate to the story of this song because something similar happened to me my freshmen year of college when I came out of the closet and then developed a crush on a boy who didn't reciprocate but I still wanted him anyway. It's a song that speaks to the kind of puppy love one gets when you first allow yourself to have feelings for another person and you put up with more than you should as a result because you don't have a sense of your own self-worth yet.
3. Impossible
Impossible is the song that cuts the deepest off this EP. Here Carlos sings to himself as he battles his inner demons. For anyone who has struggled with depression, anxiety or have had any mental health battles the lyrics of this song ring all too true.
"Don’t be stupid, don’t do this again
You’re always breakin up relationships
You speak to much, can’t you keep it in
Carlos can you try and not be so..
Impossible, I’m so impossible
You’re so impossible, we’re so impossible
Why you gotta rain on my parade
Screamin that you hate me."
I think these lyrics also ring true for many queer people who struggle to find their place on the world while battling their own internalized shame. I know I've said these things to myself at my darkest moments and it's something I've battled more recently with my concussion. Confident had grabbed my attention but Impossible was the moment I fell in love with Carlos Vara and his music. It's almost impossible to not be moved by Impossible. Truly one of the best songs of 2019 but I like 2 more songs off this EP even more.
2. Looking for Love
The moment I first heard this song and the chorus swooped in I was all in! Looking for Love has one of the best and most immediate choruses for pop music in 2019. This is the definition of an ear worm and an anthem. Lyrically the song deals with Carlos's struggles to find a mate and how sometimes he wishes he'd rather stay home instead. I love the way he describes his feelings in the second verse when he sings:
"Came in with a friend, he's good at conversations
Wish I was like him, yeah, I'm trying my best
Should've stayed home, somewhere familiar
Where I'm comfortable alone
Yeah, I should've stayed home.”
That said my favorite moment of the song is during the bridge where Carlos sounds like he's panting and running at the same time he is trying to sing and he gets so frustrated he just stops singing all together and turns the snark up all the way to 11:
"Oh, gotta catch my breath, gotta catch my breath
Clubs shut down, I'm so exhausted
Where's this pain coming from my head? Ah
Oh, gotta catch my breath, gotta catch my breath
Clubs shut down, I'm so exhausted.....
Every Friday, I come to the same fucking place
With the same fucking friends
And they all found somebody to love for the night...
Congrats!"
Every time I hear it I love it because this is actually a pretty risky move to make in the middle of a song but it works because Carlos is able to sell it so well. Carlos make you feel like you too are experiencing this moment of frustration with him. As I have always said, the best pop stars are the ones who exude personality in everything that they do and Looking For Love features some of Carlos' best and most unforgettable moments along with a chorus to die for.
1. Confident
There's a reason my husband has listened to this song hundreds of times and that's because it is a BOP! Every moment of Confident is designed to deliver as many hooks as possible and that's why it's easy to miss the message of the song the first time you hear it. Confident is actually an anti-party BOP! Here Carlos sings about how he usually appears to be the life of the party but inside his anxiety is going into overdrive.
"Going out tonights
I'm catchin everybody's eye
Like I'm the shit but, it's a lie
They askin, 'how you so confident'
Higher than my mind
Lifting these shots up to the sky
When I get home I'm gonna cry
They asking, 'how you so confident'
I can tell you I love hanging out with friends but going to large gatherings with people I don't know is usually not my idea of a good time so I relate a lot to what Carlos is experiencing throughout this song. And yet because the song is damn catchy it makes you want to party anyway. The part of the song that is really genius is the lead up to the chorus where Carlos sings:
"Puff, Puff, Pass
Puff, Puff, Pass
Holy shit, I'm smashed
Let's do it again."
As soon as you hear these lyrics, you can't get them out of your head. Carlos even knows this because at the end he encourages everyone to sing along and sing along you will! Confident is a master class in pop songwriting. You've got hooks for days but underneath all the gloss you have real heart and emotion going on that make Confident much more compelling upon repeated listens. You can't listen to it just once you have to keep listening to it because it's that damn good. I for one cannot wait to sing all the lyrics to Confident back to Carlos whenever I finally get to see him live someday though my husband will probably be singing over me for this one.
