How Discovering Girl Power Turned a Young Gay Boy into a Music Addict
They say you never forget your first and that is true for me with The Spice Girls. Growing up the only music I listened to was either from my parents, which was a lot of 80s adult contemporary such as Billy Joel, Bonnie Raitt, Gloria Estefan, Bruce Hornsby, Steve Winwood, John Mellencamp, etc. or from Disney movies. Popular music for the most part didn't catch my ear as a young child since I was not exposed to a lot of it. You also have to remember that what was popular during the early to mid 90s were the 2 "Gs" Grunge and Gangsta Rap. Those held little appeal to me as a young kid (Though that would change as I got older with Grunge. We'll circle back to that in a future post.)
The first time I heard the Spice Girls I didn't really hear them. What I heard was a bunch of girls on the back of my school bus yelling out the lyrics to some crazy song that included the phrase Zig A Zig Ah! My friend had to inform me it was The Spice Girls they were singing. Of course my friend being an 11 year old boy told me that The Spice Girls were terrible. I didn't think too much of it again until I was flipping through the channels and I heard Wannabe in the background of an episode of Melrose Place. I have never watched more than a minute or 2 of that series but thankfully I saw that because even though it was a just a clip of the song I realized I might in fact like these girls.
The next time I came into contact with the Spice Girls was with Say You'll Be There. I can't remember if I heard the song first or saw the music video first but either way it left a deep impression on 11 year old me. The song was so fun and so catchy and I loved their whole attitude, style and presentation. Shortly thereafter I saw them on Regis and Kathy Lee and this is when I learned that they all had Spicy nicknames like Baby Spice, Ginger Spice, Sporty Spice, Scary Spice and Posh Spice. Looking at it now you gotta love Geri throughout this interview from kissing Regis on the forehead to calling Kathy Lee the definition of girl power. I also love how through girl power they are really pushing for equal rights and feminism during the interview.
After watching that interview I had fallen in love with The Spice Girls but I had never purchased an album before and I was only 11 so I had to ask for permission. My mom told me I had to ask my Dad if it was OK. My dad at the time was the Food and Beverage director at the Monterey Marriott. I remember being so embarrassed to ask him permission in his office at work that I whispered in his ear that I wanted to buy The Spice Girls. He immediately FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT!!! He started yelling at me saying that I Spice Girls was not appropriate and that it was pornographic, etc, etc. I don't remember everything because I was so shocked by his response but basically he was associating The Spice Girls with the Spice channel which was pornography. This is when my Dad's secretary swooped in and told him he need not worry. The Spice Girls were not porn, they were a harmless girl group who made pop music and that her daughter listens to them all the time. That woman is my hero for life because if it were not for her I may never have been allowed to purchase the album Spice.
So with a reluctant yes for my Dad my mom drove me to Warehouse Music (Remember those!?!) I went up to the gentleman behind the counter and asked him if he could show me where a cassette tape (yes cassette tape) of The Spice Girls was for purchase. He was very friendly and he led me right to it and with that I had purchased my first album. I put it on in the car and loved it full stop, front to back! My mom said she liked their voices so that was encouraging for me to be able to play this more in the car.
I ended up listening to that Spice Girls tape non-stop all summer. I loved their feistiness and girl power message. Yes I was a boy but I already knew I wasn't like the other boys and this girl power slogan really appealed to me. I too wanted to be a Spice Girl.
I also remember the lead up to Spice World both the movie and album. I put Spice World on my Christmas list and I remember looking at the CD longingly at a retail store my mom shopped at all the time. Reading the track listing over and over again wondering what they all sounded like. Yes things were a lot harder for a young music fan in the era before streaming and downloading. Once I got the album for Christmas I listened to it constantly and loved it as much as the first one. Then my Dad being the great guy he is took me to see Spice World in theaters. Maybe he wanted to make up for that fact that he flew off the handle when I had asked to buy their debut album. I had just gotten into James Bond as well so it was great to actually recognize Roger Moore as the elusive chief who manages the Spice Girls from afar like a Bond villain. This was a joke for the adults but I kind of got at 11 because I had seen some of the James Bond films he was in.
Looking back I can see that my love for The Spice Girls coincided with my sexual awaking when I realized that I was attracted to men and not women. The thing I had secretly feared as a child was true. When the other kids called me gay or a fag in school it made me feel like being gay was the worst thing that could happen to me and yet I could no longer deny it. I prayed I wasn't gay. I bargained with God saying if I could be straight I wouldn't curse anymore (obviously this was a promise I didn't keep for long.)
Soon I began the long con of pretending to be straight and attracted to girls. I would start the slow process of toning down my feminine side and trying to act more masculine. The Spice Girls kind of fit into this because I could pretend I liked them because I thought they were hot. In reality I was loving them because through them and their music I could express my feminine side by proxy
Also this was the start of me being a hardcore music fan because I was turning on radio and MTV every day. It didn't take long for me to get hooked on other music and by the end of the summer I had started buying CDs.
It also wouldn't take long before I got into other music acts who would eventually supersede the Spice Girls especially because The Spice Girls reign in America was so short. Over in the U.K. it lasted about 5 years but over here it was less than 2 years. The Spice Girls broke big in America almost a year after they had shot to superstardom in the U.K. and the moment Geri left the group The Spice Girls as a phenomenon in American was over and done with by the summer of 1998. I remember seeing the MTV news story break with the one and only Kurt Loder. Nothing feels more 90s to me than Kurt Loder on MTV News.
By the time I heard the news that Geri had left I was disappointed but not heartbroken. I had found other acts that had my interest now but I am still forever grateful for The Spice Girls. They were my gateway drug into music addiction and they soundtracked the start of my very long journey to self-acceptance for me as a gay man. I also firmly believe that their music is still great and it always puts me in a good mood. I think a lot of their music has aged better than most of the teen pop music that immediately followed. So thank you Spice Girls for helping a gay boy discover girl power!
